HABIT

 I often ruminate with a certain thought

According to master motivational speakers, it takes twenty-one days to form a habit

Any habit, no matter how tiring or intense

However,

The speakers do not say anything about how long it takes to fall in love

yet love is habitual in nature

the idea of meeting someone and being instantaneously taken aback by them

their laugh, their posture, their thoughts and vices

and with every moment passed, the heart grows fond and the habit grows strong

twenty-one days

well, I'd like to dispute the duration

Because when I met him, it felt like two years encompassed in three days

Love is swift, like poison

Finding its way into your system, lowering your inhibitions

with him, I didn't need twenty-one days

Because within one day, I was hooked

His touch was so sensual that with one stroke, I'd hear colours and taste sounds

The look he gave me felt like a warm home on a Sunday afternoon

and I could feel the poison acting, from the moment I met him

My system resisting him, trying not to form the habit that I had subconsciously ritualized

I would crave him and no one else

I was like a crackhead in need of a fix

I would close my eyes and hear his warm voice vibrating in my ears as I felt him hold me close

I would hear a song and suddenly I am taken back to a tune he made love to me in

I would look at a picture of him and feel all of my neurons charging

I would search for his face among those of strangers, hoping to get just one glimpse

I would sleep alone and feel cold, as I was used to being bound to him

all this, and yet it only took three days

for me to love him, and for him to leave me

and I did not notice that he had crept into my heart

and even when I despised that I adored him, I still burned for him

I still had habits that circled around him

I couldn't sleep without him in my bed

The call of his name would still get me drowned in my thoughts

The sound of his voice would still send cold shivers all over my body

The sight of him would still leave me breathless

and I would dance through my house with the ghost of him

Reminiscing the naps, the breakfasts, the movie nights, the stargazing, the phone calls

the kisses

the cuddles

the looks, oh, the looks

Hoping that one day, a love like that would find me, just as he did

I didn't need twenty-one days

I only needed three