AVOIDANCE

 He says, come closer, I won't bite

And I graze my anxiety over the bite marks on my heart 

He withdraws slightly 

And I hold off completely 

Is this normal?  He asks

I say it's all I've ever known

For he tries to hold me, and I recoil

Like a millipede sensing danger

His warm touch is all I crave

Yet his cold hand is all I anticipate 

I don't know when I became like this

So anxious and avoidant that all I ever do is run

As all I want is to be held so tightly 

Yet I wiggle and squeal if the hold goes on for too long

Uncomfortable in a warm embrace 

Yet, discontented with the coldness of my sheets

I ask him to give me time

Time to warm up 

Time to disarm

And I worry that time is all l lack 

As the moment I reveal my hand,

 he leaves, and I'm cold again 

No hand to hold me

No one to cradle me

And I regret ever letting him touch me

And when the next one comes and asks if he can touch 

I bite his hand off before he can scratch