SEPSIS

 A story about the time I once again fell for a man that was too bad for my essence

I met him the way any woman in the modern age meets her detriment, the internet

He was charming, too charming

Often I felt immune to men of his kind, but for a moment, I fell vulnerable

I opened my heart long enough for him to land a sting

And before I knew it, I was infected, as the poison found its way all over my body

The signs of infection were obvious

I had a fever so high, and with every touch, I burned for him

Chills and sweats would run all over my body as he stroked me, and I felt his warmth on my skin

And when his lips touched mine, my breath would run short, and I felt myself get lightheaded

Whenever I was away from him, I grew weak 

My head would ache at the thought of him, and my stomach would rumble at the sight of him.

I would smell the clothes he left behind and savor in him, treating them like effigies

Unfortunately, he grew to know of my ailment as a result of his presence

And my vulnerability became an opportunity to him

And so with every touch and every kiss, I would grow weak as he would grow strong

He knew I burned for him, and he was ready to see me go up in flames for his mere amusement

My lover was cynical

He exhibited high enthusiasm when he knew I was weak for him

For he liked to dominate me 

And I let him

Even after I gained knowledge of his power

It was an odd sensation, knowing something was killing you

Yet indulging over and over again

I became an addict to his company

As I would experience sheer withdrawal from his absence

He stayed away longer so that his return would be more potent

And every time I self-medicated to heal from his grip, he would return before I was better and sting me once more, making his hold formidable

And I was stuck in a loop of pleasure and pain

I became a masochist, drowning in ecstatic misery

For which only I held the cure