UNDEFINED

I hate it when you make me laugh, 

even worse when you make me cry 

but mostly because I don't hate you

not even close, not even a little,

 not even at all

I remember this sentiment and realize

 I hate one thing about you

I hate how you and I

 has to mean something

I can't just be yours and you mine

I can't just hold you 

without it being a sign

if being with you was a symptom

our relationship would be self-harm

if you and I were a disaster

you would have been an omen

if we were in hell, 

you'd have been a harbinger

I hate that I can't just crave you

even when you are my guilty pleasure

I hate that I'm a slave to you

because you are my hidden treasure

without having to define us

I hate that there can't be an us

because we have to mean something

because if nothing meant nothing

then anything could be everything

and you would belong to anyone

and not have it mean anything

then you  and I would have been everything

while still being nothing

I hate that we have to foster meaning

because now,

 I can't tell you something

and you can't be my somebody

because you wouldn't have been my anything

Now we lay here in a limbo

with my feelings unrequited

and your thoughts are undisclosed

and me, hating how I don't hate you

not even close, not even a little, not even at all