ACHE

 Often I am tempted to write of the love I crave so deeply

The love that makes you all warm and fuzzy on the inside

The love that is a pain killer, a breath of fresh air, 

A life jacket

A love that cures all heartache and reverses all insanity

A simple, smooth, easy-flowing love, 

Like a lake on a warm summer day

Dates in a small corner of a coffee shop

Poetry nights and visits to the museums

Sunday tours in the zoo and aquarium

Reading in utter silence yet wanting nothing more than the company of my lover.

Holding hands in our sleep and whispering sweet nothings

Sneaking kisses and subtle touches

Ravaging fierce fucking with passionate lovemaking

Warm cuddles in the solace of each other's arms

That is the love I often fantasize about

Smooth, slow, and warm

I want to be so consumed in love that I feel nothing but overwhelming happiness

Then become aware of my state, and I refrain from my enchanted fantasy

Because I am aware of the type of person I am

And the kind of men I like

And the kind of attachment I foster

And I feel overtaken by sadness

Because I have had a history of wanting someone more than they want me

Being dazed and confused by someone who is barely phased by my existence

And all I do is yearn to once,

Madden someone with the thought of me

For once,

 I would like to put someone in a straight jacket,

 filled with compunction from the frustrations of not having me as his

I would like to know that sometimes, 

someone thinks of me as his heaven

His one true desire,

 his soul food

I want someone's heart to ache without me, 

I want to hold someone captive in his dreams, 

and in his wake, 

I would still consume his essence

I crave a love that I can easily have.

But the one thing I want

Is to have someone hopelessly

seamlessly

recklessly 

pungently

In love with me